Something about the Rob Reiner family tragedy that drew my attention: In an earlier interview, Rob had spoken of his deep dissatisfaction with some of the advice he had received, and presumably followed, from multiple (unnamed) experts — beginning from when the family first recognized their youngest son’s drug problems, and sought help.
The advice: To give their loved one a choice between going to treatment and continuing to live at home, or refusing treatment, and leaving.
Advice such as that probably originated with a popular approach characterized as “tough love,” that emerged during the drug epidemic of the late 20th Century. The idea was to make the privilege of living at home conditional on accepting and complying with treatment, including abstaining from drug use.
Family members were often reluctant to make this decision. Parents in particular worried what would happen if they weren’t around to protect their offspring from the consequences of the youth’s drug use.
And the outcome was in fact difficult to predict. When things went as planned, the youth got a solid start on recovery. When they didn’t, however, there was often a serious rupture within the family. In the worst cases, the drug user would simply disappear, whereabouts unknown, perhaps living on the streets.
I have to wonder if something like that happened in the Reiners’ case, perhaps more than once. If it did, it must’ve left scars.
After a while, exhausted by the stalemate, some parents would relent and allow the user to return home, even knowing that drug use was likely to be present. One anxious mother explained this to me in terms of, “well, at least I know where he is every night. I can sleep again.” It’s the rationale we hear from parents who permit teenagers to throw alcohol-fueled parties at home — a lesser-of-two-evils argument.
Although in the last few years, I’ve come across several reports of youths who fatally OD’ed in their own childhood bedrooms. I’m sure the family was devastated.
I bring this issue up not because I have a clear recommendation for what families should do to do in such circumstances, because I don’t. It seems to me to be less of a choice and more of a dilemma that each family has to resolve on their own — hopefully with guidance from a skilled professional.
There are no easy answers, I know that much.
