Everybody who works successfully with substance users learns to set and hold good boundaries. These protect the work of treatment, and guard against manipulation on the part of the addict or alcoholic.
As a professional, you have an agenda to fulfill. So too does the addict. His agenda is very different, but he’s even more committed to it. He may have convinced himself that his life depends on it. And he’s willing to use your agenda to achieve his.
Some years back I gave a talk on addiction to medical students. A bright bunch, but I found myself frustrated by their inability to understand the reality of manipulation. Until I used the following example, that is. “Imagine it’s a Saturday evening shift in the ER,” I told them. “You’re sitting in a consulting room across from a heroin addict. You want your patient to see you as a concerned, competent medical professional.” Nods of agreement around the room. “But to that addict, there’s this big neon sign flashing above your head that reads: All Night Pharmacy. We Never Close. And he can’t take his eyes off it.”
It got their attention.
One recovering addict told of an incident involving several drug users who shared a rented house. At one point a member of the household developed a festering wound that required regular prescriptions for pain meds. The group held a house meeting to plan the best way to keep the wound from healing — in order to insure continued access to the meds.
Difficult if not impossible for somebody who’s never been through that experience to imagine it. Nonetheless, everybody who works with addiction runs into something comparable.
One psychiatrist explained to me that she felt compelled to accept as the literal truth everything that her addicted patients told her. “It’s the foundation of our therapeutic relationship,” she insisted. A year or so later she found herself in trouble with the state medical board for overprescribing.
We see manipulation as wrong, but the addict doesn’t necessarily share our values. To him, it’s a matter of necessity. He needs something, you have it, so he means to make certain you give it to him.
Caveat emptor, the saying goes. Buyer beware.
There are skills you can develop that allow us to work successfully with addicts, including how to establish and maintain boundaries in the face of a manipulating addict. It’s worth our time to learn them.